Motherhood is hard. We often hear that it takes a village, yet some feel the need to conquer it alone, and some moms don’t ask for help. I know because I’ve been there. Having my first child made me realize how isolating being a mom can be – even when it doesn’t have to be. Having my second made me realize how important it is to change that narrative.
Ideally, all moms would feel comfortable seeking help as needed and without hesitation. But the fear of being judged is real when needing support to raise tiny humans. You aren’t alone if you struggle to reach out to family, friends, and other moms for help. And if you’re on the outside looking in, I hope you’ll take the time to reach out and check in. It’ll be appreciated more than you know, especially as moms don’t always feel comfortable contacting the ones they desperately need.
Why Moms Don’t Ask for Help
Here are several reasons why some moms don’t ask for help, even when they should.
We Don’t Want to Be a Burden
Moms often find themselves carrying the weight of what feels like the entire world on their shoulders because our children are our entire world. Because other little human beings literally rely on us to survive, we never set that weight down. And for some reason, we fall into the trap of believing it’s our burden alone.
The truth is we want to be seen as more than just the bearers of the weight of the world. Even more, we long for support along the journey.
We Struggle with Receiving and Accepting Help
This goes hand in hand with not wanting to be a burden. While we, as moms, can easily spend our 24/7/365 giving help and comfort to others, being open to receiving those things doesn’t always come quite as naturally. Society tends to make moms believe we should always have all the answers and solutions. When we don’t, seeking them out from others can be uncomfortable.
We want to be seen as worthy of receiving the very things we give and need love and guidance as much as anyone else.
We Don’t Want to Look Weak
If there’s any experience in the world that can make someone realize how fiercely strong a woman’s mind, body, and soul is, it’s motherhood. We know how strong we are at our core, and moms don’t ask for help because we don’t want to appear to be anything less than that. Whether it’s society’s view of mothers as the keepers of the mental (and physical) load of raising children or our expectations of ourselves and our competence as moms, the bar is set high for us.
The truth is, we want to be seen for what we are: human. We aren’t invincible, and we can’t do it alone. We need our tribe – even when we seem to have it all together.
We’re Told Motherhood Should Be an Instinct
Sure, this might be the case for many of us. Even still, being a mom isn’t easy. Every mom is bound to face challenges from time to time – or, let’s face it – even daily. When we’re told it’ll all be second nature and then internalize those beliefs, we close ourselves off to the idea of swallowing our pride and reaching out. While being a mom is incredible, it isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
The truth is, we want to be seen between and during the highs and the lows. Every single one of us experiences them all. And we need guidance and assistance sometimes, too.
Moms Don’t Want to Be Judged
Moms don’t ask for help because they don’t want to be judged. We don’t want to be seen as incapable of navigating the whole “mom” role alone. We have so much pride in the role we’ve been told we were made to fill for our children.
The truth is, we want to be seen for what we are: mothers doing our absolute best, despite not always wanting to do it alone. Mothers who are human (albeit superhuman, in my humble opinion). Mothers who long for a village – or at least a shoulder to lean on, a helping hand to lift us back up when we fall, or a keen eye that notices far more than how “naturally” we might appear to have our motherly duties under control.
Whether you’re a fellow mom or simply someone who knows and loves one, I beg you: please reach out. It can make all the difference in the world to moms who don’t ask for help because they don’t want to be judged.
All we want is to be seen.